The next few weeks we tried to cram in every bit of "quality time" we could. We had a weekend away just the two of us up to a nearby ski resort where we had access to a condo. It was wonderful just being together out there in the near-wilderness, pretending life away and imagining that we would never be parted. Much of the rest of those few weeks are a bit hazy for me. I remember get-togethers with family and friends, an early Easter celebration, a few glitches with the guard and hoping he wouldn't have to go, finding out he did have to go (all over again!), and feeling very uptight, anxious and ornery. I'll blame some of that last bit on the pregnancy hormones, though I'm sure the thought of my husband leaving for a year and a half had something to do with it.
Through all this I remained fairly calm and collected, (besides the hormonal episodes, which were few and far between if I do say so myself). My heart ached most when I looked at my one year old daughter, Adelyn, and realized how much she had grown in so little time, how much her daddy would be missing, and how much she would be missing him. She was, and still is, her daddy's girl through and through. From the moment she came into this world his is the first face she focused on and the first fingers she touched (after the doctor and nurses were done with her).
Our little girl was a preemie and I was very sick and weak bringing her into this world. I remember the moment I first saw her and stroked her little, slimy, beautiful head. Then she was whisked away to her incubator in the nursery and I slept for many hours, but her daddy was by her side every minute he could be. I believe a bond was forged in those first precious moments between them of the kind that cannot be understood but by those who are part of it.
Many times over the course of our separation while Daddy was in Iraq, I saw a connection between them that was unexplainable and extraordinary. When Daddy was having a bad day, thousands of miles across the world, a little two year old girl would whine and cry for no apparent reason and need her daddy, for no one else could comfort her. When his phone call would come the next day and he told of his struggles, I would finally understand what had been wrong with my little girl! More than a few times she felt her daddy's pain and wanted so badly to comfort him on those hardest days. We watched our home videos of Daddy over and over again. I finally printed a small picture of him that she could have of her very own to carry around with her and keep in her crib at night. It's crumpled face and torn edges quickly attested to how much it - he - was loved by her.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Sharing the News
As Braden's parents walked into the room, they could sense something was wrong. His mom looked at my puffy, red eyes in concern, but didn't say anything. Braden looked at me and said "Want to tell them the news?" "No" I said firmly. "I don't want to tell anyone." Braden obviously didn't want to tell them, either. After a few awkward moments, I told them about the phone call, not meeting their eyes as I did so. They sat in stunned silence for a moment and then the quesions began.
Braden had been called up into a unit that was not his own. The unit being called out was short a few people and Braden had been out of the country when his own unit had been deployed a year earlier, so his name was high on the list for possible fill-ins. Thus, the surprise at the call and the limited preparation time we all had before he was deployed. On the up-side, the unit he was going with had already been training for three months so his own deployment would be that much shorter in comparison to theirs. One looks for the up-side in these kind of situations.
The next few weeks went by in a blur. After I got over my own shock, I was able to tell my mom. I broke the news casually in her kitchen as she was preparing dinner. I didn't want everyone else to hear, to turn it into a big deal. After hearing the news, my mom immediately came and put her arms around me asking "Are you okay?" "Yeah," I said, not sure if it was really true. I had accepted it as something that was going to happen by then, and felt ready to face the challenge. Was I okay, though? I'm not sure if military wives are ever okay faced by the prospect of their husbands leaving for war. But we learn to find strength. We gain it from our faith, our family and friends, and our own personal support groups. It becomes merely something that has to be done, and we are the ones chosen to do it. There is little time or energy for self-pity or worry. Allowing those demons into our lives is too destructive and we are smart enough, and strong enough, to replace that with the truth that we are serving something much greater than ourselves.
With Braden's deployment I gained the knowledge and testimony of what freedom truly means, what things are worth sacrificing for. I gained an understanding that we who are so blessed in this great country have an obligation, an opportunity to serve others less fortunate than ourselves. We are no longer in a community, a city, or a country. We are a world full of the human race, needing each other to stand strong, to serve and to love. We are God's children, and as such, we are brothers and sisters fighting through this life in way one or another, and the more we can do for each other, the easier the fight and the better this world will be.
My dad's immediate reaction when he heard the news was to offer us a place to stay while Braden was gone. We'd had an offer in to buy a house, but I was too scared to try a new home, new neighborhood, a new baby and no husband, all at the same time. I gratefully accepted my dad's kind offer and soon after that the real preparations began.
Braden had been called up into a unit that was not his own. The unit being called out was short a few people and Braden had been out of the country when his own unit had been deployed a year earlier, so his name was high on the list for possible fill-ins. Thus, the surprise at the call and the limited preparation time we all had before he was deployed. On the up-side, the unit he was going with had already been training for three months so his own deployment would be that much shorter in comparison to theirs. One looks for the up-side in these kind of situations.
The next few weeks went by in a blur. After I got over my own shock, I was able to tell my mom. I broke the news casually in her kitchen as she was preparing dinner. I didn't want everyone else to hear, to turn it into a big deal. After hearing the news, my mom immediately came and put her arms around me asking "Are you okay?" "Yeah," I said, not sure if it was really true. I had accepted it as something that was going to happen by then, and felt ready to face the challenge. Was I okay, though? I'm not sure if military wives are ever okay faced by the prospect of their husbands leaving for war. But we learn to find strength. We gain it from our faith, our family and friends, and our own personal support groups. It becomes merely something that has to be done, and we are the ones chosen to do it. There is little time or energy for self-pity or worry. Allowing those demons into our lives is too destructive and we are smart enough, and strong enough, to replace that with the truth that we are serving something much greater than ourselves.
With Braden's deployment I gained the knowledge and testimony of what freedom truly means, what things are worth sacrificing for. I gained an understanding that we who are so blessed in this great country have an obligation, an opportunity to serve others less fortunate than ourselves. We are no longer in a community, a city, or a country. We are a world full of the human race, needing each other to stand strong, to serve and to love. We are God's children, and as such, we are brothers and sisters fighting through this life in way one or another, and the more we can do for each other, the easier the fight and the better this world will be.
My dad's immediate reaction when he heard the news was to offer us a place to stay while Braden was gone. We'd had an offer in to buy a house, but I was too scared to try a new home, new neighborhood, a new baby and no husband, all at the same time. I gratefully accepted my dad's kind offer and soon after that the real preparations began.
Saturday, May 3, 2008
The Call
February 2005. I remember well the moment the call came. We were living at my in-laws, relaxing in the living room for a moment before heading to bed. I answered the telephone and a voice asked for Sgt. Ericksen. Calls often came for my husband from men in his battery as he was a member of a field artillery unit with the Army National Guard. I handed him the phone and then busied myself, unconcernedly, in the living room. As I was walking back toward the kitchen my husband stepped in front of me and held up a paper with the words he had just scribbled on it: "Iraq, March _".
My heart jumped into my throat and I whispered, "Are you serious?" He was a jokester and had teased me sometimes with the idea of his deployment, but this time I could tell it was different. He nodded his head as he continued to listen to the speaker on the other end. I immediately began sobbing and leaned into his chest, unable to control myself. He held me for a moment, but then pushed me away, not wanting the man on the phone to hear. I ran into the bedroom and closed the door, collapsing onto my bed in tears. How could this be happening? We usually heard rumors through the guard, which unit was being deployed next, when the next unit would be home. But this came with no warning at all. And I was 2 months pregnant with our second child. Would it ever know it's daddy? I pushed the thought out of my mind. Immediately I began to pray.
I poured out my soul to my Father in Heaven, pleading for strength and peace. I began to calm down. By nature I am not a very reactionary person, so for this to affect me as it did was unnerving. Soon I exited my bedroom and went to sit next to my husband, my soldier. His parents had been in the front room, reading together and had no idea what had been going on in their home the last few minutes.
My heart jumped into my throat and I whispered, "Are you serious?" He was a jokester and had teased me sometimes with the idea of his deployment, but this time I could tell it was different. He nodded his head as he continued to listen to the speaker on the other end. I immediately began sobbing and leaned into his chest, unable to control myself. He held me for a moment, but then pushed me away, not wanting the man on the phone to hear. I ran into the bedroom and closed the door, collapsing onto my bed in tears. How could this be happening? We usually heard rumors through the guard, which unit was being deployed next, when the next unit would be home. But this came with no warning at all. And I was 2 months pregnant with our second child. Would it ever know it's daddy? I pushed the thought out of my mind. Immediately I began to pray.
I poured out my soul to my Father in Heaven, pleading for strength and peace. I began to calm down. By nature I am not a very reactionary person, so for this to affect me as it did was unnerving. Soon I exited my bedroom and went to sit next to my husband, my soldier. His parents had been in the front room, reading together and had no idea what had been going on in their home the last few minutes.
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